It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
