I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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