I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
