She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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