everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
