she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
