I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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