..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
