Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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