Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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