I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
