Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize