so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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