Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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