I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
