Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize