Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
