ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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