I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
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