So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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