He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
