this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
