what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
