I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
