i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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