Tell her she can't have a vagina
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
