I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
