it was like his penis was on wheels.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
