i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
