i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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