I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
