saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
