No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
