Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
