My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i think i just lost a toe
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
