I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
