Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
