Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
