I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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