I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
