You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is wine microwaveable?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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