She's JV to your varsity
Don't make out with my wife yet
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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