I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why do cheetos always look like penises
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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