Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I could fuck to npr.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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