K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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