I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
