I think I won the penis lottery.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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