i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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