wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I supernannyed him into submission
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
