Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
