wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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