theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
