Betty ford says i'm here all night
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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