If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She even gives head with a lisp.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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