There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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