dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
