Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
