I think I died a long time ago.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
