where am i from again
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize