Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
