New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
