Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
