You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize