i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
