you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
