the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
