cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
