Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
