My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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