I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
