youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
