He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think my mom watched the whole time
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
