Porn is love you can see.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
